Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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