you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
