I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
