I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just had sex on a roof
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
