apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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