I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
