whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
