just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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