girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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