yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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