Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
