by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize