Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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