I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
