You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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