so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
