Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
