Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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