Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
