Umm I'm too high to move.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
