I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
