Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize