The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
