This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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