let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
