whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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