I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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