Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize