and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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