Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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