$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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