Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
