I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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