Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
