I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
