literally had 100 drinks last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
