Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
