i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
