You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ok first of all what the fuck
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
