im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
