Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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