things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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