dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
vagina is talking i cant
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
