but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
