the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
