How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
