I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize