she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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