If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
