put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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