he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
