Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
