We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
nutella sex= disaster
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
this hospital has no fireball
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
