This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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