Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
