pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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