I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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