I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
