btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
