i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
