i used baking grease as lip gloss
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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