I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
