that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
