she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
