lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
