I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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