I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
