dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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