Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
