I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
