Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im holly from the hills drunk
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
