I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
