So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
