first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize