gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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