Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
