everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
third nipple confirmed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
