There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
