and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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