When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Say something about gay babies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
