I'm really into asian looking animals
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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