My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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