I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
