On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
