drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
