The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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