The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
