Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
