I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
