I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
