Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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