He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
