Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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