Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
