I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
