Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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