i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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