I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
