Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
