My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize