they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
