great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
