I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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