it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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