i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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