my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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