You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
